Tomorrow marks the 8th year I’ve lived life without my own Hero. How has life been? To be fair, it has been great, but of course nothing is perfect and is left with plenty of room for improvement.

Last weekend was spent at my 15 y.o. brother’s football tournament. He played well. His formidable football spirit and passion, together with my mother’s involvement to nurture him to be what he is today, was deemed as “lifting Ong’s name high in the sky”.

16 years ago, my mom was sitting alone in her room, daydreaming, she slipped in a note to God, wishing she would have a son, who would resemble her husband. That when she looks at him, she sees her husband.

Who knew that God had heard a prayer of a woman who was only able to bear daughters? 15 years later, she gave birth to a son. And unlike her 3 baby-fat daughters, her son was born long and lean.

But did God fulfill her wishes?

He did. Today when we look at him, we see our dad. Especially when he gave a world-class football performance last weekend. Every move, every stand, reminded us of how great a footballer he is, just like his old man.

Besides the physical appearances, his spirit and the passion portrayed reminded us exactly what a man my brother has become. That day, he proved to us, what is was to be Mr. Y.T. Ong’s son. Beaming with pride for him was an unfair understatement.

So how has life been without a dad? We manage. But of course, there will be times I wish he was here. How things would be so different. No pesky boyfriend. No procrastination. No laziness. And there would be plenty of directions given by him.

When I was 17 going on 18, I spent no time thinking what I wanted to be or what to study or which college to choose. I knew what I want and getting there was no problem. I had my dad on board with me. He was the one clearing the path and making my goals seem somewhat easier to achieve. I knew I had to do everything right, because I couldn’t let him down. I worked hard towards my dreams, because what was mine, was also his.

But when he passed away, leaving me alone on this path, I realized I had no one else to support me. There was no one I would sit with just to listen to the goals he had planned for me. He was my motivator, I was the one going to succeed and make him proud. But then at 18, I had no one. I’ve never felt more alone. Daddy’s girl was left alone on her journey to success.

Now at 26, I knew things would be so much different if he was still here. I would already become an AD in my own rights, standing on stage receiving an award and thanking him for pushing me a head faster than the rest to achieve my dreams.

But now, I am at the tip of a cliff. I am deciding if I want to continue on this path, on my own or jump off to stop altogether the dreams we shared.

8 years ago, this life I wanted was for me and him. But right now who am I doing this for? Myself, just doesn’t sound like a legit reason anymore.

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